Anticipation

Tomorrow is the first of many follow-up scans.  J will get a PET scan early in the morning, and then we will go to clinic to see what the results are and what the plan is from there (hopefully surgery referral to get the medication port removed).  He has been doing pretty well.  His only problems right now are endurance problems, and perhaps cold sensitivity in his teeth (although that's pretty normal, but it's new for him).  He finished the school year and is his old self for the most part.


Today I had a moment of dread considering the dangerous what ifs.  What if that spot that was a question mark nearly two months ago has not gone away and surgery is recommended and something bad happens at surgery?  What if there are new lymph nodes and we need a biopsy and then start a new chemotherapy regimen?  What if it comes back and we can never get it under control again?  All of these questions go against the odds, which all point to him having an unexciting scan tomorrow.  I also know, and will happily tell others, that no good comes in worrying about the possibilities.  If I get worked up over the possibilities, it won't change what the reality is going to show.  But those nagging, doubtful thoughts come and invade my peace.  A day from now, we'll know the answers.